Angry Czeck Selfishly Votes for Himself

Emerging from the voter's booth waving a fist of defiance, the Angry Czeck this morning announced his presidential selection to the sleepy voters waiting in line at Big Rock Creek Nondenominational Church.

"I voted for me, Suckers!" screamed the Angry Czeck, pushing the I Voted sticker-lady to the ground. "Just call me Darth Nadar, 2oo8!"

Asked why he would selfishly waste his vote in what is expected to be a tight election between Senators Barack Obama and John McCain, the Angry Czeck was without apology.

"I didn't rent a 2007 Ford Focus and sleep in dozens of Motel Sixes so I could vote for chumps!" declared Mr. Czeck before cringing voters. "I always vote for a winner! And Mom says I'm a winner!"

Mr. Czeck then proceeded to rip open his shirt, pound a fifth of Old Crow whiskey, and challenge the ballot observers to Connect Four.


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Angry Czeck Refuses to Concede: "Eat me!"

AP - Despite registering a negative Q-Rating among registered voters, The Angry Czeck has no plans to shut down his presidential campaign.

"I rented my Ford Focus through November 4th!" said Mr. Czeck outside of a Orlando-area Lubby's Cafeteria. "That means I'm still on the campaign trail. However, I am willing to entertain treaties of surrender from Senators McCain and Obama."

While chances are slim that Mr. Czeck will receive any such concessions from the two front runners, Mr. Czeck continues to display an over-confidence that bordered on delusional and psychotic.

"I picked out some new flooring for the Oval Office," said Mr. Czeck, digging out samples from the back of his dusty Ford Focus. "It's Pergo! It just clicks together!"


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