Day 2: Fundraising

Since the Secret Service security detail failed to show up, the Angry Czeck was forced to drive un-escorted to his first fundraising stop: Angry Mom and Dad's.

"I'm running for President!" I announced.

"Of what?" asked Angry Mom, suspiciously.

"President of the United States, Mom," I explained patiently. "I'm going to get this country back on track."

"Terrific. What do you want from us?"

"Your vote!"

(Awkward silence.)

"And a campaign contribution!"

(More awkward silence.)

I decided to double my efforts. "Listen, what are you? In your 50s? So I know you're not exactly thinking about the future. But what about my future? Do you really want my future determined by the current line-up of Washington bozos?"

Angry Dad reached into his back pocket. "So how much money do you need, son?"

"From you? About fifty grand."

Angry Dad removed his hand from his pocket.

"What's your platform?" asked Mom, looking to see what was showing on the Home Improvement Network.

"For starters, I'm socializing healthcare!"

As I pulled the Anger Mobile out of the driveway, the Angry Czeck reflected upon the failures of that moment and wondered if he might have more profitable visits with more distant relatives.



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DAY 1: AC Announces Intentions to Storm the White House.

"The Secret Service had better go to Lowe's and make me some fresh keys!" stated The Angry Czeck in a stirring and sometimes emotional speech to his fan. "Because unless they want me kicking in the front door of the White House, I'm a-coming in!"

The fan clapped his hands enthusiastically as The Angry Czeck announced his bid for the White House. Already, the two major candidates issued a release to the press.

"I'll put out a cigarette in his eye!" stated Senator Barack Obama.

Senator John McCain was even less articulate. "Me eat his bones!"

The Angry Czeck remained unperturbed. "Yessir, as soon as I get me my Secret Service detail, I'm hitting the streets of America!"

And then he sat down on the hood of his car, and he patiently waited for his Secret Service bodyguards to arrive.

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